Would You Please Date My Friend?

What's all this?

I've signed my roommate friend up for an online dating site, except I'm pretending to be him her. I contact all the girls guys, chat them up online and schedule the dates (and pay for the memberships). All he she has to do is show up.

Our experiences, good, bad and ugly are documented here...

Friday, November 16, 2007

Your fridge

The new profile is up, and it's garnered some unwanted attention:

Subject: how can you blame me for wanting you?
how are you?! I wanted to say hello and tell you how devastatingly heartachingly beautiful you are, and very interesting as well.....as long as you are still available for dating and maybe even marriage, feel free to call my home number (DMF note: did you really think you were going to get that?) or cell (DMF note: or this?) so as to help me expedite the process of courting you..
..I don't have all the answers..I have a few suggestions, ;)..
..and lastly, can a guy look at that pretty face and not fall in love?

your humble suitor,
fucking moron

He didn't hear back from us...surprise surprise...

In other news, I actually did get around to prank calling the girl that stood up Casanova earlier this evening. I pretended I was a guy she'd gone out with and that I'd just gotten out of jail for an unknown crime which I blamed on the Dept of Homeland Security violating my civil rights. She was playing along for awhile, but then started to get surly when I stuck to my story. She didn't buy the "we went out a couple times" story despite my insistence, and kept asking me who put me up to calling her. I accused her of going out with a lot of dudes and that perhaps "maybe I'm not that memorable and I just slipped through the cracks." She didn't go for that either, but by this point we'd been talking for a solid 8 minutes.

I continued on, telling her that it'd been a few months since we went out and that I had just wanted to reconnect with her and see what she was doing. She wasn't so keen on reconnecting with me, probably due to the fact that we'd never met. She was on speakerphone the whole time, so Casanova had not only a good laugh, but the last one.

Prank calls...that's what you get for messin around with us...

Next week should bring some more news on the Juliet front, but that first email will be hard to beat...


Tuesday, November 13, 2007

No way! Way!

Oh yes the rumors that have been flying around the internet and swiffering the nation (to borrow a line from when Dane Cook didn't suck) are indeed true.

I am proud to announce that the second phase of this project has begun. The latest subject, we'll call her Juliet to start, has officially signed on. The membership has been turned over. It all starts tonight...

I'm not really sure what to expect. The eternally optimistic side of my mind thinks that all of the dudes will just come flocking and that we'll be inundated with emails and IOIs. It's my impression that as a woman in the online dating community, you get a ton of contacts and you have to "pick the ants off the anthill" so to speak to find the ones that you want to go on a date with. If this isn't the case, I'll be pleasantly surprised. It's not like she's a 46 year old divorcee with three kids, a zany ex in the state pen and emotional baggage. Also, we're fresh meat once again, so if I thought we were hot before with Casanova, now it's going to be a whole new ballgame (not breaking out the spreadsheets and calendars just yet, I'm going to take this as it comes).

The same rules apply, I contact all of the prospects, chat them up, set up the dates and then report everything here, to you. Juliet has made a stipulation that she gets veto power over any dude that is interested, I assented to her demand, but I don't think it'll come into play that often.

And yes, I'm going to have to flirt with dudes, whatever.


Monday, November 12, 2007

Getting there

I haven't forgotten about you...the new victim, I mean, candidate and I will be sitting down today to negotiate the terms of her participation in the project.

More to come...


Monday, November 5, 2007


It's been a week and a half since I last blogged. To be honest, nothing has happened. No dates, a couple IOIs from some seriously ugly chicks. Perhaps I have myself to blame for this as I've not kept up my original volume of contacts, but I suspect that the ladies are getting tired of seeing Casanova pop up in their searches and if they passed on him once, they'll pass on him twice. Whatever spark we had at the beginning has been lost. It looked like it was going to be rekindled at various points, but that was fleeting at best. We had a good run. It's time to move on...

TO ANOTHER VICTIM (I mean friend)

YES, you read correctly. This project is far from dead, it's just evolving (sort of in the same way that the current season of Beauty and the Geek has, good show, don't knock it). I've paid for the online dating site we've been using through February, so there's no reason to let access like that go to waste. I did my research, you can very easily switch genders and all of that stuff without any hassle. Genders? You find yourself asking. Yes, genders. The new WYPDMF subject is a girl and she has agreed in principle (well, really she just gave "a strong maybe") to being the next participant in this project. This is huge, very huge. For a whole slew of reasons:

-It'll allow me to see the whole online dating thing from the other side.

-It'll reinvigorate my creative writing (writing from a female perspective will take a bit of extra work).

-It'll bring new life to this blog.

-It'll be fucking awesome.

I'm excited, I just hope she gives her consent so we can get the party started.

More details to come...

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Bloody hell

6:15 came and went...6:30...nada...7 she sends a text "stuck at work, don't know when I'm going to get out..."

She's an idiot and has gone from being a frequent cancel-er to a straight up stander-upper. We're done with her, maybe she'll get a couple prank calls from blocked phone numbers (and by maybe, I mean definitely, she's gonna wish she had just showed up.)

This brings me to the most recent development in this project. We're bitter. It hasn't been going well, we've lost our original hotness. Not that I'm at all deterred, but we've amassed a fair number of phone numbers. And what's better than abusing the information at our disposal? I'm mostly joking about most of the numbers we have, but the girl from tonight is definitely going to get her comeuppance.

I'm rolling the project back. IOIs are back in, as is the original profile picture. If THIS doesn't work, then something is seriously wrong. Playing the percentages worked in the past, and hopefully it'll work again. Hopefully the ladies will be more open to Casanova at this point in the year (it is getting colder after all).

More to come...


Monday, October 22, 2007


While she didn't show up to the party, which was for the best really, she's agreed to go on a very open-ended date on Thursday evening (full post-game wrap up Friday morning, of course). Let's call her "The One That Nearly Got Away, but Then Didn't." Either my persistence has been rewarded, or she's just trying to get me to fuck off and accepting the date and then saying "I had a great time, but it's really not going to work out" was easier than just cutting the cord.

Either way, first date in like two weeks...something to be proud of (that does remain to be seen).

Tossed off a whole bunch of emails to highly qualified candidates. I took a very terse tone with one of them because her profile had literally nothing in it. So, I said, essentially, "since your profile has nothing of any substance in it, I'm going to point that out to you, ask you a couple questions and then volunteer very little information about myself, and then close with a flirty/nasty line about how if you want to know more, write back."

We shall see how this tactic pans out. Some girls love a real bastard.

I also cleaned up the wording of Casanova's profile, made it a little more approachable and simpler. Now we just need to have a photoshoot to get some good pictures. I've been putting it off, but he could really use one solid headshot and one fullbody shot. This will have to be a project for the weekend. Up until this point I've been making due with the pictures of him available to me on the internet. They're alright, but they're not that great. In fact, I'm thinking about to changing his picture back to what it was since we're having significantly less success than we were before (this could also be due to the elimination of IOIs and the subsequent decrease in overall volume of contacts, but whatever).

It's been a hard slog, but there's another date on the horizon with a girl who elected to talk over real email since she was deactivating her online dating account. Good sign. She could have just disappeared without a trace, but chose not to. That will probably happen next week, and she's cute and tall enough (if memory serves about the height thing), it shouldn't be one of those horrible "get me the fuck out of here" dates that happened a couple months ago.

Things have definitely slowed down and I still don't feel like I've found a reliable formula, perhaps there isn't one...we've got several more months to go on this thing, so the Holy Grail of Online Dating could actually exist...


Wednesday, October 17, 2007

And then some

2 replies...

One came in from a former college lacrosse player (she refers to it as lax, so you know she's got "mad cred") and she seemed to be hip to the soccer references I dropped in the email I sent her. Perhaps I should go for it with those more often. And, what's more, I didn't email any clunkers in this round. Definitely done with that phase of the project. It's been time to get serious. Totally fucking serious.

The second is from a music-loving California girl who wasn't intimidated by my declarations of praise for Public Enemy (she even countered with accolades for Rage Against the Machine). Only problem is she's got a nose thing. I can't explain it, but I just know Leonardo DiCaprio is going to have something to say about it, because he's rejected prospective dates for similar facial issues. Nonetheless, I will forge on with her...

Also, I've finally managed to pin down the girl who our friend texted a couple weeks ago. She's coming to a shindig we're having this weekend and bringing some of her own friends. I was thinking about seeing how many girls from this project I could get to come to our par-tay, but what if they or their friends talk to one another? That would fuck up the whole thing. Perhaps a viewing of Def Jam's How to Be a Player starring Bill Bellamy would be a good evening activity for the two of us. Then we could invite whoever we wanted without any concerns.

Or we could just leave it as it is...