Would You Please Date My Friend?

Your fridge

2007-11-16T20:58:00.000-08:00

The new profile is up, and it's garnered some unwanted attention:

Subject: how can you blame me for wanting you?
how are you?! I wanted to say hello and tell you how devastatingly heartachingly beautiful you are, and very interesting as well.....as long as you are still available for dating and maybe even marriage, feel free to call my home number (DMF note: did you really think you were going to get that?) or cell (DMF note: or this?) so as to help me expedite the process of courting you..
..I don't have all the answers..I have a few suggestions, ;)..
..and lastly, can a guy look at that pretty face and not fall in love?

your humble suitor,
fucking moron

He didn't hear back from us...surprise surprise...

In other news, I actually did get around to prank calling the girl that stood up Casanova earlier this evening. I pretended I was a guy she'd gone out with and that I'd just gotten out of jail for an unknown crime which I blamed on the Dept of Homeland Security violating my civil rights. She was playing along for awhile, but then started to get surly when I stuck to my story. She didn't buy the "we went out a couple times" story despite my insistence, and kept asking me who put me up to calling her. I accused her of going out with a lot of dudes and that perhaps "maybe I'm not that memorable and I just slipped through the cracks." She didn't go for that either, but by this point we'd been talking for a solid 8 minutes.

I continued on, telling her that it'd been a few months since we went out and that I had just wanted to reconnect with her and see what she was doing. She wasn't so keen on reconnecting with me, probably due to the fact that we'd never met. She was on speakerphone the whole time, so Casanova had not only a good laugh, but the last one.

Prank calls...that's what you get for messin around with us...

Next week should bring some more news on the Juliet front, but that first email will be hard to beat...

-DMF

No way! Way!

2007-11-13T19:26:00.000-08:00

Oh yes the rumors that have been flying around the internet and swiffering the nation (to borrow a line from when Dane Cook didn't suck) are indeed true.

I am proud to announce that the second phase of this project has begun. The latest subject, we'll call her Juliet to start, has officially signed on. The membership has been turned over. It all starts tonight...

I'm not really sure what to expect. The eternally optimistic side of my mind thinks that all of the dudes will just come flocking and that we'll be inundated with emails and IOIs. It's my impression that as a woman in the online dating community, you get a ton of contacts and you have to "pick the ants off the anthill" so to speak to find the ones that you want to go on a date with. If this isn't the case, I'll be pleasantly surprised. It's not like she's a 46 year old divorcee with three kids, a zany ex in the state pen and emotional baggage. Also, we're fresh meat once again, so if I thought we were hot before with Casanova, now it's going to be a whole new ballgame (not breaking out the spreadsheets and calendars just yet, I'm going to take this as it comes).

The same rules apply, I contact all of the prospects, chat them up, set up the dates and then report everything here, to you. Juliet has made a stipulation that she gets veto power over any dude that is interested, I assented to her demand, but I don't think it'll come into play that often.

And yes, I'm going to have to flirt with dudes, whatever.

-DMF

Getting there

2007-11-12T08:52:00.000-08:00

I haven't forgotten about you...the new victim, I mean, candidate and I will be sitting down today to negotiate the terms of her participation in the project.

More to come...

-DMF

Huge

2007-11-05T19:06:00.000-08:00

It's been a week and a half since I last blogged. To be honest, nothing has happened. No dates, a couple IOIs from some seriously ugly chicks. Perhaps I have myself to blame for this as I've not kept up my original volume of contacts, but I suspect that the ladies are getting tired of seeing Casanova pop up in their searches and if they passed on him once, they'll pass on him twice. Whatever spark we had at the beginning has been lost. It looked like it was going to be rekindled at various points, but that was fleeting at best. We had a good run. It's time to move on...

TO ANOTHER VICTIM (I mean friend)

YES, you read correctly. This project is far from dead, it's just evolving (sort of in the same way that the current season of Beauty and the Geek has, good show, don't knock it). I've paid for the online dating site we've been using through February, so there's no reason to let access like that go to waste. I did my research, you can very easily switch genders and all of that stuff without any hassle. Genders? You find yourself asking. Yes, genders. The new WYPDMF subject is a girl and she has agreed in principle (well, really she just gave "a strong maybe") to being the next participant in this project. This is huge, very huge. For a whole slew of reasons:

-It'll allow me to see the whole online dating thing from the other side.

-It'll reinvigorate my creative writing (writing from a female perspective will take a bit of extra work).

-It'll bring new life to this blog.

-It'll be fucking awesome.

I'm excited, I just hope she gives her consent so we can get the party started.

More details to come...

Bloody hell

2007-10-25T18:01:00.000-07:00

6:15 came and went...6:30...nada...7 she sends a text "stuck at work, don't know when I'm going to get out..."

She's an idiot and has gone from being a frequent cancel-er to a straight up stander-upper. We're done with her, maybe she'll get a couple prank calls from blocked phone numbers (and by maybe, I mean definitely, she's gonna wish she had just showed up.)

This brings me to the most recent development in this project. We're bitter. It hasn't been going well, we've lost our original hotness. Not that I'm at all deterred, but we've amassed a fair number of phone numbers. And what's better than abusing the information at our disposal? I'm mostly joking about most of the numbers we have, but the girl from tonight is definitely going to get her comeuppance.

I'm rolling the project back. IOIs are back in, as is the original profile picture. If THIS doesn't work, then something is seriously wrong. Playing the percentages worked in the past, and hopefully it'll work again. Hopefully the ladies will be more open to Casanova at this point in the year (it is getting colder after all).

More to come...

-DMF

A DATE! A DATE!

2007-10-22T20:36:00.000-07:00

While she didn't show up to the party, which was for the best really, she's agreed to go on a very open-ended date on Thursday evening (full post-game wrap up Friday morning, of course). Let's call her "The One That Nearly Got Away, but Then Didn't." Either my persistence has been rewarded, or she's just trying to get me to fuck off and accepting the date and then saying "I had a great time, but it's really not going to work out" was easier than just cutting the cord.

Either way, first date in like two weeks...something to be proud of (that does remain to be seen).

Tossed off a whole bunch of emails to highly qualified candidates. I took a very terse tone with one of them because her profile had literally nothing in it. So, I said, essentially, "since your profile has nothing of any substance in it, I'm going to point that out to you, ask you a couple questions and then volunteer very little information about myself, and then close with a flirty/nasty line about how if you want to know more, write back."

We shall see how this tactic pans out. Some girls love a real bastard.

I also cleaned up the wording of Casanova's profile, made it a little more approachable and simpler. Now we just need to have a photoshoot to get some good pictures. I've been putting it off, but he could really use one solid headshot and one fullbody shot. This will have to be a project for the weekend. Up until this point I've been making due with the pictures of him available to me on the internet. They're alright, but they're not that great. In fact, I'm thinking about to changing his picture back to what it was since we're having significantly less success than we were before (this could also be due to the elimination of IOIs and the subsequent decrease in overall volume of contacts, but whatever).

It's been a hard slog, but there's another date on the horizon with a girl who elected to talk over real email since she was deactivating her online dating account. Good sign. She could have just disappeared without a trace, but chose not to. That will probably happen next week, and she's cute and tall enough (if memory serves about the height thing), it shouldn't be one of those horrible "get me the fuck out of here" dates that happened a couple months ago.

Things have definitely slowed down and I still don't feel like I've found a reliable formula, perhaps there isn't one...we've got several more months to go on this thing, so the Holy Grail of Online Dating could actually exist...

-DMF

And then some

2007-10-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

2 replies...

One came in from a former college lacrosse player (she refers to it as lax, so you know she's got "mad cred") and she seemed to be hip to the soccer references I dropped in the email I sent her. Perhaps I should go for it with those more often. And, what's more, I didn't email any clunkers in this round. Definitely done with that phase of the project. It's been time to get serious. Totally fucking serious.

The second is from a music-loving California girl who wasn't intimidated by my declarations of praise for Public Enemy (she even countered with accolades for Rage Against the Machine). Only problem is she's got a nose thing. I can't explain it, but I just know Leonardo DiCaprio is going to have something to say about it, because he's rejected prospective dates for similar facial issues. Nonetheless, I will forge on with her...

Also, I've finally managed to pin down the girl who our friend texted a couple weeks ago. She's coming to a shindig we're having this weekend and bringing some of her own friends. I was thinking about seeing how many girls from this project I could get to come to our par-tay, but what if they or their friends talk to one another? That would fuck up the whole thing. Perhaps a viewing of Def Jam's How to Be a Player starring Bill Bellamy would be a good evening activity for the two of us. Then we could invite whoever we wanted without any concerns.

Or we could just leave it as it is...

-DMF

5%

2007-10-16T21:21:00.000-07:00

17 new prospects contacted between last night and tonight. 16 emails and 1 IOI to a 25 year old single mom (not sure what I'll do if she replies).

By the old logic, I used to see a 5% return on IOIs, and the general online dating rule of thumb is that you are twice as likely to get a reply from an email. So...1.5 emails should be coming my way any time now.

Fuck all has happened since last night, and as usual I'm impatient. One of these lovely ladies has gotta email back, or one of the ones from way back or something. It's gone from hot streak to hard slog, but neither Casanova nor myself will be giving up anytime soon.

I've also recalibrated the age-o-meter and have only been contacting girls whose "yes I'd date you" range includes Josh Hartnett. A lot of time was wasted (and by time I mean the .5 seconds it took to send an IOI) on girls who have dismissed Don Juan out of hand because he's too young. Although, I'm sure these more age appropriate ladies have dudes coming out their ears, so that may also explain the delay in their responses.

Either way...I've got an itchy trigger finger, it's been awhile since I scheduled a date...

-DMF

SQ1

2007-10-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

Rebuilding the project.

12 emails sent...all highly relevant to their recipients.

My brain hurts...more on this tomorrow...

-DMF

update

2007-10-12T18:03:00.000-07:00

Zero to report. I've been seriously slacking with the emails to the prospects. We've only gotten IOIs and emails from uglies and fatties which have gone unreturned.

Monday I'm going to get back on it, I promise...

-DMF

Naive

2007-10-06T14:56:00.000-07:00

I'm very fucking naive. How did I think that two people who have only communicated by email would get together and have a huge sweaty makeout snogfest in public the first time they met?

If you were hoping for some crazy story about shirts flying off and instant love connections, you may want to find some other blog or watch some reality TV. Nothing happened last night. A big fat nothing. Casanova and I even contemplated at one point leaving them in the first bar we went to without saying goodbye. We didn't, but the thought did very seriously cross our minds when they (the friend, her friend and the roommate) refused to stand up to do the round of shots we'd purchased for them.

Only my friend did her shot (leaving 2 extra...Casanova took care of business), which is just as well, since they were the worst kamikazes I've ever had (at least they were cold...but that's not saying very much). My stomach just turned thinking about that vile gasoline sliding down my throat...

On the whole, however, it appeared from what I was able to observe that Casanova and the roommate were getting on pretty well. My friend and I took seats at a nearby table and watched them for a bit. I was playing devil's advocate and saying that she was turning away from him and that she couldn't possibly be interested. She, on the other hand, noticed that the roommate was playing with her hair and touching Casanova's arm to illustrate whatever points she was making in the conversation. In the cab on the way home, he told me that she said to "email her." I doubt that's a brush-off, but it doesn't scream "take me back to your house" either. Perhaps that means that she really likes him and doesn't want to give it up too quickly.

I'm satisfied with the way the evening went, even though there isn't a crazy story to report. Hopefully we can orchestrate more outings like this as it's a lot more casual for all involved. Just a bunch of people hanging out together instead of two people sitting across a table trying to be impressive.

Doubtless you've noticed the lack of updates regarding new girls from the internet. Ever since I ditched IOIs and went to emails, I haven't been keeping up my previous contact volume, so there aren't any dates lined up. I need to get in a witty/flirty headspace this week and step it up.

If you've got any friends you want to offer up, let me know, leave a comment or get in touch or something...will entertain all comers (with the right of refusal).

-DMF

The jump off

2007-10-05T15:57:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here writing before the storm hits. It's calm, quiet, I need to take a shower. In a few short hours, Casanova, myself and a whole bunch of our closest friends are going to make our way a few miles from our house to meet up with my friend and her roommate for what I have dubbed "The Blind Date Extravaganza." From the information I have gathered from my sporadic email communications from the roommate, I think this might be a total disaster.

I say that not because I'm a pessimist (regular readers will know instantly that this is not the case). I say that because they aren't the same enough, but they also aren't different enough (to use bad grammar).

Allow me to explain...

He has very leftist political views. She goes to bed at 9:30 during the week. He's willing to go all out on a Tuesday night. She stays in and watches DVR. She tries to prevent her roommate from going out looking slutty. He's an enabler of all kinds of drastic behavior for his roommate. However, it has been made clear to me that she's not a total uptight prude. There is evidence that she has brought dudes home with her and that, when drunk, she can actually be quite fun. It's just a question of whether she'll be able to get into it tonight or not.

That's where my friend and I come in. We're going to have to play ringleader/cruise director in order to really "get the party started" (to quote Pink). I'm completely ok with this as long as it ends up in a big gross sweaty makeout session with witnesses. Yes, I said with witnesses.

On the other hand, it could go horribly awry and nothing at all will happen and the update tomorrow will be devoid of any reports of shenanigans, debauchery or depraved behavior.

Point is...we're going to do our best to get them to have a snogfest, but it may be in vain.

ALSO...

Logged in and saw that we'd gotten an email...maybe a little pale, but I've seen a whole lot worse...

Then I read it...

Hello "insert name here,"

Thanks for the wink! I just recently moved into my own apartment (translated that means I moved in 2 months ago) and have finally got a computer (that's being lent to me by a friend) and have pilfered the internet from my downstairs neighbor. A couple of things you should know about me are:

1. My oven just got replaced because it was throwing deadly fireballs at me every time I tried to use it.

2. My favorite color has officially changed from burnt orange to teal blue. But this is liable to change again soon so don't count on this.

3. I'm a sporty girl (volleyball and softball are my thing) but I haven't played since college.

4. I have a tattoo on the inside of my right wrist. I know it's in your turn-offs so I just wanted to put that out there.

You seem like a fun, laid-back guy. I hope you write back so we can chat. Take care!

Ok...so she sent us a canned email...whatever...again, worse things have happened...

Then I went to her profile and saw this...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...asd;gjklhasguyaeporighaerhjsda;lfhjsdf;lgjk>..AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!1!!!111!11

-DMF

This is why I'm hot

2007-10-02T18:26:00.000-07:00

I should just shut up about when things are hot and when things are cold. This whole project has been so cyclical. Some weeks we're up and all the ladies love us, others we're down and can't even buy an email from a minger. I haven't been able to sort out the patterns and it's probably not worth it.

On with where things are at...

The friend of the friend is on for going out on Friday. That's going to be the only "date" this week to speak of. I put date in quotes because I'm going to be there too, as well as the mutual friend. So the four of us are going to go out and have a par-tay and hope that Casanova and the friend hit it off (my gut feeling is that she's way too tightly wound to be cool with him, but weirder things have happened).

He hasn't given me any other nights this week, and we're trying to move away from the blind date model anyway, so I'm setting shit up for next week. The nanny/barista is still on the radar, even though she claims to be very busy. She should get on the calendar for next week at some point.

I've also been corresponding with a southerner (the one who loves Peyton Manning). She's got the ball firmly in her court. We'll see what she comes back with...

I did a little recon online to see if the girl that George had texted was in fact spoken for or not. The site said that she'd been active within the last 24 hours, so I inferred that she must not have a boyfriend, because, what kind of girl, who has a boyfriend, is still visiting online dating sites with any kind of regularity. And even if she did have said boyfriend, she's clearly looking for dates.

SO...

I sent her an IM and made some small talk. At the end, I cut to the real reason (cleverly concealed as a simple change in subject) I had IMed her in the first place and asked if she'd like to hang out sometime, if she was no longer spoken for. She said she was no longer spoken for and that she'd love to get together. This is a huge coup for Casanova since he was actually amped about the initial date with her (that I believe she cancelled twice).

Must've thought she was cute or something...

-DMF

Shenanigans

2007-10-01T20:13:00.000-07:00

A story I heard second hand from Casanova this weekend:

"So, we're at this party, and for some reason we were comparing address books and seeing how many people we legitimately didn't know, but who's numbers we had. So I had a number for a girl (DMF note: leaving the name out, made up or otherwise) and I couldn't for the life of me place where it had come from. Since it was Saturday night and we were drinking, George grabs my phone and immediately sends her a text message from his phone. She actually texted back and asked who it was. We had a laugh and forgot about it. About an hour later, though, she texted George again and told him where she was. The following day, I realized it must've been some girl I've gone out with from this project"

That, faithful readers, is fucking ridiculous...

I'm going to contact her tomorrow and see if we can get something going with her and Casanova. I did some research once I heard that story and figured out that they didn't actually go out. She was one of the few that had a viable excuse.

I need to get the actual text messages as well, those will be posted once I get them...

-DMF

The latest

2007-09-29T00:44:00.000-07:00

The updates have been sporadic, I know, sincerest apologies...

The nanny/barista (let's call her Sam) has responded at long last. You'll recall from Sunday's update that I had offered her two possible dates and that she ignored both of them and claimed that she was "busy" (don't believe it for a second) with both her jobs (possible, but not likely) and that she is "really bad with the whole phone thing unless I really know someone...hope that makes sense as to why I'm not just giving you a call!" Honestly, this sounds like a total brush off. Her interest in Casanova is probably minimal at best so I'm not sure why she's even bothering to correspond. But she is, so why not try to pin her down for a "date" (I put that in quotations since we've moved beyond the typical blind date)? He's going to keep the plans with her fairly open-ended to prevent the usual awkwardness that ensues when two people who don't know each other sit down and attempt to have a drink together. That has been very unsuccessful for him, and after six attempts it's definitely time to try something new (this is not news to you faithful readers).

If you're hankering for news about the friend of a friend, I've cooled off my pursuit of her, entirely because she refused my offer to come out on a Tuesday night. Any girl who can't hold her own on a weekday isn't really worth it in my book. However, she is going to get another chance this Friday. Except, she doesn't know it yet. I'm going to email her tomorrow and tell her as much. If she refuses the Friday plans, she's definitely out.

Matt Damon needs someone who can hang with him on any night of the week (especially ones where no one needs to work the following day).

The cold emails I mentioned in the previous update (I sent 4) have yielded a response. We'll call her Jessie. She's from Tennessee and loves Peyton Manning (this is a possible sticking point for Lance Armstrong as he HATES Peyton Manning). However, she's far from home and will have to play by our rules.

That said, I composed the email back to her with the help of another female online dating veteran. I will not reveal my compatriot, however, I will say that she brought a lot of knowledge to the table and together we crafted an excellent response which was sent last night. I'm not expecting a response until Monday at the earliest.

It was refreshing to have a female consultant as I was able to hear instant feedback on possible lines I wanted to include in the response. Her input is invaluable and I can only hope that she will consult on future correspondence. Don't get me wrong, I've been able to fend for myself just fine, but no man in my position can dispute the utility of an experienced female filter.

I'll be the first to admit: things have been significantly slower since the IOI embargo, however, I am willing to bet the farm that if I sent as many well-crafted and thoughtful emails as I have been IOIs that Casanova would be going on twice as many dates every week. While quantity may have been the goal a month ago, quality is the name of the game at this point...

-DMF

An interested party

2007-09-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to say how old she is...but she looked at his profile...

-DMF

Fresh

2007-09-23T12:01:00.000-07:00

I'll be the first to admit, I've been a little behind in my emailing, which is why the last few updates have been thin on breaking news. It's definitely a lot harder to compose well thought-out messages (cold ones at that) than just clicking a button to send an IOI. Pretty much every girl from the beginning up until right now has either proven herself unworthy or has fallen off the face of the Earth (he informed me this afternoon that he has no intention of calling Lizzie after she canceled on him last week). It's time to start fresh...

The first of these fresh starts is a nanny/barista who I'm not sure has a college degree, either that or she's real smart and graduated early. We've been emailing sporadically over the last week and a half. I'm 100% certain she's pretty, her pictures tell a very good story, so there shouldn't be any surprises once they meet up at some point this week (either tomorrow or Thursday). I've left their plans open ended (hey, let's get some coffee and then play it by ear) so that should prevent them from getting stuck staring at one another across a table, which has been the death of pretty much all the previous dates.

I haven't heard back from the friend of a friend, but I've still got two solid days to lock her up for Tuesday night's shenanigans. As I've said before, this specific short-term ad-hoc project has become more about me convincing this girl to do something she wouldn't ordinarily do than getting Casanova a date. Either way, we'll all get drunk and have a party or this girl will wig out and immediately go home because she can't handle it on a school night. Either outcome works for me (granted, I'd rather that they hit it off) the main challenge is getting her there.

I'm going to send a few cold emails to well-selected prospects this afternoon. Try as I might to reuse old content, they'll all be originals.

The mystery girl never called him back from Friday night, so he's going to play it cool and see if he can connect with her this week. I'd like to think she has a good reason for not calling (lost a leg, lost her phone, trapped in the closet) so that could still potentially work out.

Also, this project doesn't have to be a secret, if you like it, send the link to your friends, I really don't mind.

-DMF

Ad-hoc

2007-09-21T15:23:00.000-07:00

So it looks like the friend of a friend plan is going to play out quite smoothly. There's been a bit of a twist, however, Casanova refused to go out on a blind date with her. This is actually a very wise edict and I should have known better. So, instead, I'm trying to get her to come out with us on Tuesday night to a place that my coworker says she won't like. In fact, she's put her money where her mouth is and has said that if I convince her friend to go out on a Tuesday then she will come as well.

Sounds like someone just threw down the gauntlet. The potential date responded to my email from yesterday and I've written a reply. All pretty generic stuff, about driving and bridesmaid's dresses. Most importantly, I planted the Tuesday night seed, so now I've got a solid 4 days to get her on board. I really just want to see this girl attempt to party on a Tuesday night. Don Juan did threaten to tell her that I'd been the one emailing her since this is a bit of an ad-hoc date and doesn't necessarily fall under the original scope of this project. I say, "whatever" and have clearly proceeded.

In other news, Lizzie canceled the first second date last night with a text message saying that she had to cover for someone at work. I call bullshit and Casanova doesn't want to see her again, so that's the end of that.

I'm also weening myself off IOIs and going straight for emails, which will mean I'm going to be more selective since I can't email in the same quantity that I had previously been sending IOIs.

Also, he's going to try to meet up with the mystery girl (he says she's hot, I say, I'll believe it when I see her) tonight. That's all I've got on that front since she was a prospect he found on his own outside of this project. Don't expect to hear much more, he's being uber-cagey and has said that I'm forbidden to blog about it. I'll report what I can...

-DMF

Side project

2007-09-19T20:37:00.000-07:00

It's been a quiet couple days on the online dating front. I'm in the process of working on a complete overhaul of Don Juan's profile so that he appears to be a brand new man to all of the hotties.

Two developments have occurred that are outside the scope of this project, however. The first, is that he met a woman, whose name I will withhold, while he was out and about last weekend (insert applause) and he may or may not get together with her next week (she's busy this weekend). That's all I have to say about that. Fear not, intrepid reader, this does not impact the progress of this project.

The second, and more intriguing, development is that a friend of mine has offered to set a friend of her's up with Jude Law. I've seen a picture and she's pretty cute and, well, pretty. The friend in question did say that the potential date is a bit of a neat freak (and that is she were a guy she wouldn't date her), but I'm not going to let that stand in the way. What I'm currently grappling with, though, is whether to have her go through me first in order to set the date up with him. The spirit of this project dictates that she should email me first and that I will respond, as if I am Johnny Depp, and set up the date with her. It all depends if my friend has shown her this blog or not. If she has, then the jig is up and I'll just arrange the date as myself and not pretend to be him.

Other than that, I'm going to see if the update/refresh of his profile generates any more heat. It's not done yet, so there probably won't be too many new prospects to report on for the next couple days since I've stopped my IOIs and emails.

Oh, and one more thing, he's going out on his first second date tomorrow with Lizzie. Insane, I know, but it's happening. Now for the snog...

-DMF

Chugging along

2007-09-16T12:04:00.000-07:00

It's been roughly a month since we embarked on this project and I'm pleased with the success we've had. 6 dates, a few cancellations, probably close to 100 emails. The party train is showing no signs of grinding to a halt, but it's time to update the profile I think. For one, he's not smiling in his profile picture, even though he looks real eligible and also dateable. So that's going to be changed. It's also time to change the text and see if that brings some previously uninterested girls out of the woodwork.

I'm also going to forgo IOIs for girls that are especially promising (at least on paper) and see if cold emails yield better results. It'll take more time and effort on my part (it really sucks to think you did an awesome job complimenting them and finding mutual interests only to never hear back).

My goal for this month is to see if he can go on two second dates and at least get one snog. Neither of those things has happened yet, but it has only been a month and, as I blogged about earlier, a few of those dates were non-starters. The new plan for the dates should help with this as well, he just needs to get in front of more girls to make it happen.

This afternoon I emailed, a nanny, an asset manager and a interior designer. I was looking through my archives to see if I could find any previous emails I could repurpose, but they were all too specific in one way or another. The asset manager has an unfortunate nose, but she's nearly as tall as Casanova so hopefully that will balance out and he'll be able to look past her olfactory shortcomings.

He's also shooting for a second date with Lizzie for Thursday...

-DMF

Date 6: Postgame Report

2007-09-14T06:51:00.000-07:00

"She was a little chunkier and homlier than she looked online"
-Casanova

However, with the new plan, apparently the date went the best yet. According to confirmed reports, they walked around a local commercial district and he pointed out the good places to go. They were moving, it was kinetic, and he was able to be awesome in her pressence with his knowledge of the area. While he's not insanely attracted to her and isn't sure if he wants to snog her, he's definitely willing to take her out again and will probably do so next week.

Yay!

-DMF

Drought

2007-09-12T20:12:00.000-07:00

He's got a date tomorrow...but nothing's really happened since the cancellation earlier this week. However, I did manage to capture these two images of Casanova going to work on an unsuspecting girl while we were out last night:

Trust me. He's in those pictures. On the left. The lighting was a bit unfavorable, I will say that.

Tomorrow evening he's out with Lizzie and going with the new plan that we hatched on Monday night. Postgame report to follow...

-DMF

A new tack

2007-09-10T19:38:00.000-07:00

Date #6 w/ Lizzie has been moved to Thursday, because she is "sick." They talked on the phone today and he said that she sounded sick, so I guess that'll be good enough even if it was a "(fake cough...fake cough) oh, no, I'm definitely too ill to come out tonight...no way..." kind of situation.

More importantly, however, I had dinner with Casanova tonight and we were talking about the state of the project and how we both thought things were going. We identified some crucial problems with the way we'd been going about it. Specifically relating to the execution of the date portion. It's easy enough to write witty emails and compliment a girl on her interests and aspirations, but you get her in front of you in a bar with a cocktail and you've got a complete new set of problems staring you in the face.

The big question that's been looming over this project is: after five first dates, why haven't there been any second ones? Before delving into the more macro issues facing Don Juan. Let's recap the dates and see which ones were doomed from the start:

Carrie - not as hot or as interesting as she seemed online, and she was the first and just for practice really in the first place.

Ophelia - way too short, but actually intelligent...I did email her and attempt to sort it out, but she never wrote back.

Marisa - plainly put...fatter in real life.

Effie - a good mix of everything he's looking for (nearly 6 feet tall), but she just blew him off in the worst way. No excuse for that.

Caitlin - another true winner, had a dynamic conversation and was very attractive, but she hasn't responded to subsequent contact.

I think it's safe to write off the first three and just focus on the last two. Effie and Caitlin are solid prospects, but why haven't they followed up and accepted invitations for second dates? Casanova has a theory, and I wish I could formulate a worthwhile one of my own, but I haven't started following him around with a camera and long range mic on his dates yet, so I don't really know what goes on in the field. Anyway, he's met all five of the girls for drinks in bars. Now, this seems like the perfect sort of first date. You get two people to sit down at a table and talk about what makes them who they are with a little booze to loosen up the situation. If you think this is the perfect first date, you're dead wrong. It's high pressure, it's static and there's no room to take it to another location without that line coming across as forced.

Casanova has a new idea which he's putting into practice on Thursday for his date with Lizzie. They're going to meet for coffee after work and then just walk around, perhaps go shopping for something specific. One idea he had which is money in the bank is to go food shopping for a dinner he's going to make for himself, which works on so many levels. I will count:

1. Shows he can cook and is therefore awesome.
2. It's not a drink at a bar which is probably what every other date this girl
has been on consisted off.
3. They're moving around and not staring at each other across a table, so it's a
lot more relaxed and not as high pressure.
4. He can invite her back to his for said meal.
5. If it goes especially well, she'll cook it for him.

Count 'em...5 levels and that's only one possible date alternative.

Then...for the second "date" (still all his idea) you don't schedule a date at all, but say "hey, I'm going out to (a really fun place) this weekend, what are you doing? we should try to meet up while we're out." This is brilliant. It makes him appear cool, yet willing to hang out with her on the weekend (which he thinks might have been the issue with Caitlin, since he didn't volunteer a weekend night for their second encounter which still hasn't happened). It also builds some anticipation since it's up in the air whether or not they'll see each other and it also gives him an opportunity to take some control of the situation and request that she come to where he is or allows him to show up at wherever she is on his own time so that she's so glad he's arrived when he finally does.

And then, even more brilliant, if they don't link up, they still have a reason to get together during the week and discuss their weekends.

This conversation, of course, led me to say "Hey, you know, we should have you schedule a WYPDMF bar crawl where you have a different date waiting for you at each bar."

He said, "That would never work, I wouldn't ever be able to leave the first bar or she'd want to come with me to the next."

and I said, "You just have to finesse it, fake sick or something then move on to the next one."

He replied, "Here's the thing, I'm terrible at finessing the ones I don't like very much."

And I responded, "Of course there would be some burned bridges...you know...this is a terrible idea." Then I considered it for myself...and came to the same conclusion.

So he's going to start this new approach with Lizzie and hopefully it'll yield some positive results. The results, no matter what they are, will be documented here.

Other than that, I've gotta send out some more IOIs tomorrow, because there's a whole lotta nuthin' goin' on in our online dating mailbox.

-DMF

Saturday Night Fever

2007-09-08T16:33:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday night, so by online dating theory I should be out having so much fun that I even forget what a computer is. Fear not, that's going to happen momentarily, but I wanted to update on our progress...

Lizzie has been propositioned for a pint on Monday evening. Remember, she's the one that asked us out in the previous update, so I obliged and invited her to one of the bars we'd been discussing that she hadn't been to. She's only been in town for like 5 weeks and I'm pretty sure she works at Crate and Barrel, so perhaps she'll have some silly stories about doilies.

That supertall one from several updates ago who looked like she was 35 emailed again and she definitely read Casanova's profile because she was prattling on about David Beckham. We're going to leave her hanging, because he decided he wasn't attracted to her. Shame really, she'd probably be taller than him with heels on.

No word from Caitlin either, even though she has graduated to Direct Contact Status. Hopefully a date with her will happen at some point this week and will result in some serious snoggage.

-DMF

A first

2007-09-07T02:35:00.000-07:00

Before anyone starts asking questions, yes, it is exactly as late (or early) as it appears. I can't sleep, so I figured I'd be productive...

It seems this online dating game is very cyclical. Since I responded to all those emails on Tuesday, we've only gotten two back and one of those came in only a few hours ago. I was getting worried, but it seems like these situations always have a way of sorting themselves out (the girls do end up emailing back with one excuse or another), so if things are dead online for a few days in the future I know not to think anything of it.

After a pretty low impact week, some good news. The tables have been turned and we've been asked out (sort of). And I quote, "So you can't keep telling me about all these places you like so much without inviting me to one of them eventually." That was from Lizzie. Now to figure out what nights he has free next week and to line something up. In case you were wondering it will definitely be within walking distance.

There's that dating rule of thumb where it's supposedly understood between dudes and chicks that you have sex on the third date. Lizzie's email got me thinking about a parallel in the online dating world. It's permissible to ask her out on the third email. The quotation above comes from the 4 email that she's sent us, so had I asked her out in the email I sent Tuesday, I'd have been right on the money. I'm going to put this strategy into action and see where it takes me. My guess is that if a girl takes the time to email in the first place, then she'll probably agree to have a drink as long as I don't do anything over the course of the dialog to seriously piss her off or make her think she's going to end up in a duffel bag.

By this logic then, there are a whole bunch of girls who need to be asked out, so I'll have my work cut out for me next week. Also, since so many are going to be ripe for picking at the same time, I'm going to try to convince Casanova to see if he can pull off two dates in one evening since there are only 7 nights in a week. I'm thinking separate venues might be the way to go. There are a lot of potential issues (mostly ones that would result in hilarious stories..."hey, um, I just walked by this other place and I saw you with a girl..." "oh, her...yeah, she's my faith healer" and so on and so forth).

Oh, and for those rooting for Effie, she blew off our hero on Tuesday and has dropped off the face of the planet...

-DMF

Postgame Report: Date 5

2007-09-06T14:05:00.001-07:00

Caitlin and Casanova finally were able to be in the same place at the same time. I've found one thing to be very key about being the dude in these sorts of situations. You get to pick the place. Every place I've picked (save for one) has been walking distance from where we live. Other than that, being the dude isn't really all that great.

ANYWAY...

Confirmed reports state that she was the best case scenario based on the information her profile supplied us. Not overly thin, but she has the height to pull it off, and height, as faithful readers know, is a vital statistic for Don Juan. They talked sports. She loves swimming, he loves soccer and drank a beer. Apparently she's just getting into "good beer" which is something that Orlando Bloom is very knowledgeable about, so I suggested that for their next date that he take her to a bar with a wide selection and then do her in the bathroom once they'd sampled every beer the bar had on offer. Details and perhaps nightvision video will, of course, be posted here...

We've both noticed a trend, where these first encounters don't last more than an hour, and this one was no exception, however, unlike 3 of the previous 4 dates, Casanova wants to see her again and said that he had done a lot more to make the date interesting and push things forward in a flirty way than he had in the past. Seems that just treating these as conversations and getting-to-know-you's does not yield a second date. There will be a second date and he's pretty amped...

Bravo!

-DMF

A pint

2007-09-05T08:49:00.000-07:00

Caitlin is going out with Casanova tonight...that is all...

-DMF

Barry Manilow puts me in the mood

2007-09-04T17:01:00.001-07:00

Just finished responding to all the emails from the weekend and Barry Manilow came on the CD changer I had on shuffle (kickin' it old school). Barry definitely helped me achieve that suave edge I'm looking to cultivate in these online flirtations.

ANYWAY...

I'll open with a little humor:

Yes she's in her 40s. Yes she has a child. Yes that child lives with her. No she's never been married. And finally, no, she has not returned our IOI after almost 2 weeks. I'm starting to lose hope!

So, it was a busy evening...I got back to Melinda (the one who didn't look so hot driving the bus in her profile). She's all about the Jersey Shore (but not THAT Jersey Shore, those chicks wouldn't make the cut), so I told her all about Casanova's experiences on the beaches of Eastern Europe. Either she'll think I'm full of shit (which I'm not) or she'll be intrigued and I'll set him up with her for a pint next week.

I'm getting really close with Lizzie, who has only been in town for about a month. Luckily she's employed otherwise she'd have the bad kind of "too much time on her hands" and might want to move in with us. I called her out for not having been to a certain BBQ place for even a pint (they've got a serious beer selection), so I'm wondering if she'll respond and suggest that we go there. I gave her the opening, but if she pushes it to another email, I'll just flat out ask her out in the next round.

Definitely had to resist the urge to tell Erin that the second half of her argument was a little bit vague and applicable to almost any situation. Instead, I agreed with the first half of what she said and asked her what she thought of soccer. I'm optimistic about this one, perhaps they'll try to score goals on each other...

Now on to the social experiment section...

Two posts ago, I referenced a serious longshot (33 year old, loves her Jeep). She wrote back. I'll spare the chit chat, but she did ask a question that others haven't: "why online dating? and what are you looking for in a girl?" I'll have to think long and hard about those. At 33, she probably means business...

I also stepped outside my comfort zone a little bit and sent a cold email to a girl who had viewed our profile at some point last week. There wasn't anything all that remarkable about her (well, she's attractive and likes to party, but other than that...). I covered all of the necessary bases: asked about her, referenced things in her profile, told her a little about me (Casanova), etc. This tactic hasn't worked well at all in the past, but I figured it was time to deviate from the system I've established and see if its possible to be successful using other means. Full report to follow...

Oh, and he should be going out with Effie tonight for their second date...unsure if that's happening...will have details later...

-DMF

A misfire, a canned response

2007-09-02T12:31:00.000-07:00

but seemingly no collateral damage...

Allow me to explain...

The Ph.D. prospect from the last update emailed back. She will heretofor be referred to as "Erin" in this chronicle...

"Well, I'm actually a public health grad student, so I'm not sure I'm equipped to settle your bet. But since I'm always willing to try to come up with an answer based on almost no prior experience... I don't think pop culture itself makes society dumber, but more the lack of self-awareness of our obsession with, I don't know, Paris Hilton or Brangelina. And by the same token, working complex statistical analyses or chemical reactions doesn't actually make us any smarter either- it's all about how you think about it."

So I wasn't too far off, and reading it again, I did give myself a parenthetical safety net in case I was wrong (which I was). The second half of her argument doesn't really make that much sense (it's all about how you think about it? well, yeah, but you could say that about 3rd world debt relief or Chuck E. Cheese), but the point of these email flirtations (at least for my part of the project) is to find the quickest route between sending an IOI and Jake Gyllenhaal taking them out for a pint. More important than my misidentification of her area of study, is that she wasn't put off by my attempt to go intellectual in my first communication. In fact, she seemed to go right along with it (perhaps she's thinking "what a pompous ass" but not saying it). She also only has one picture (it's of her face, and it's a very nice face) attached to her profile, so it's anyone's guess what she looks like in real life. One man will soon find out...

Another IOI has been returned with an email! However, my fear is that this is the email she sends to everyone:

"...that the jerks who broke into my apartment two weeks ago DIDNT take that was of any value to me was my Pulp Fiction Special Edition DVD.I'll try anything once, most things twice, save fermented bean curd sushi.Name the last thing you ate that made you smile at firste bite?" (Subject line was "the only thing...")

In her defence, we do make mention of Pulp Fiction (the soundtrack, not the film) in our profile, and this is what may have gotten her to email in the first place, but the rest of it? Totally canned if you ask me...however...she's 5'10" and fit, so she'll definitely hear back on Tuesday, although, I have no idea what to say, is she looking for sympathy from online strangers?

Another interesting fact, this girl received an IOI from us 24 days ago. Without looking at a calendar, that's pretty close to the beginning of this project. Why it took her that long to sort it out and get back to me is a mystery at this point. Perhaps this is a new trend and we'll start to see old IOIs and emails come in. Could also just be a one-off.

I've got another novel to sift through from another girl who, for resasons unknown to me, has pictures where she looks legitimately attractive (make up, cute clothes, etc.) and then others where she looks awful (beet red at a baseball game, driving a bus and not having showered in two weeks) hopefully the former will show up for the date. I guess she's trying to give online suitors an idea of her full spectrum (I guess that's a good thing?).

This weekend has seen more activity than any other since we started. I'm surprised and save for it being the first holiday weekend, I don't really know what else is different. What it does mean though, is that my previous ethos of "stay off the online dating sites on the weekend so it looks like you've got a life" has had some holes (three to be exact) poked in it. One of those emails came in at 11pm on Saturday. Instead of assuming that she's lame, I'm going to go with "having a quiet night in." I'm still not going to respond to any of them until Tuesday.

No word from Catilin about tomorrow night, so that will have to happen later this week. She's a big fat flake.

-DMF

As if there was any doubt

2007-08-31T11:35:00.000-07:00

I tried a new searching tactic a few days ago. I searched for girls who drink regularly and who were online at the moment I was searching (read: girls who like to party and are also all about online dating). Brought in some sexy results. It looks like we're back on track for the time being. I've got four new girls chomping at the bit. Junkyard, who we've spoken about before, is very hot and will probably agree to go out with Casanova sometime late next week. She likes to talk about geography and where people are from.

Lizzie is also very much in the running. I think she may have used a canned email that she modified just slightly because this section just came out of nowhere. You be the judge:

"So, my definition of a good movie is one with a good soundtrack (not b/c it needs it, they just seem to go hand in hand) and I have to say the every Quentin Tarantino movie has the most amazing soundtrack. I also use this to justify my love of Garden State, not the sappy plot line.As for food, I have not tried either, but I recently had Ethiopian for the first time in DC and it was amazing so I would definitely have to try it.What kind of random questions do you have for me?"

In case you were wondering, I responded in kind to her request for random questions. A generous excerpt:

"Totally agree on the movie/soundtrack combo thing. I just watched Donnie Darko for the first time last night, and the soundtrack to that totally makes it.Here's a question from left field: got any big plans for the holiday weekend? (ha ha) In case you were wondering about mine, I'm headed to rendezvous with my parents in New York to pick up a car (12 year old Mitsubishi Galant, oh yeah!). It'll be the first time I've had a car since I've lived up here, so we'll have to see if I get lazier (I've gotten so used to biking)."

"Ok, now for a really random question: Would you rather have a sports announcer follow you around giving the play by play of your life outloud for all to hear or always smell and smell like pancakes?"

"On a more serious note: what's your specialty in the kitchen? Mine's pasta sauce."

There's been no word back from the 33 year old who loves her Jeep. Even though they'd be a terrible match, I want to see what would happen if he was to go out with a girl (no, woman) who was so much older.

I also tried something a little different with a girl getting her phd in psychology:

"As a psychiatry grad student (assuming this based on available fact, feel free to set me straight) I was hoping you could settle a debate I've been having with my friend. He just read this book called "Everything Bad is Good For You" which says (I'm going to oversimplify) that pop culture is actually making us smarter, not stupider. I'm not convinced, mostly because an overconsumption of pop culture will make you stupider if you don't ever do anything intellectually demanding. What do you think?"

This is a book I've actually read, and a conversation I had with Casanova a few days ago. Not a raging debate by any stretch, but this way I can talk to her about something I know a thing or two about, even if I have to argue the other side. This might be a little too "know-it-all intellectual" for her, but I figured it was worth a shot. Will report on the progress.

I'm not expecting too much from any of these prospects over the next 3-4 days. I just hope Caitlin gets back to us at some point today and confirms for Monday evening. I haven't been given many nights next week, so I'm going to have to slow up my game a little to compensate.

Happy to be back in the saddle...

-DMF

Date 4: Postgame Report

2007-08-31T11:27:00.000-07:00

Taller is better.

In a last minute blitz of scheduling magic I was able to get Effie and George Clooney together last night for a drink. We learned a few things:

-It's hard to make these drink encounters last more than 90 minutes unless there's an activity involved
-If a girl looks questionable in her pictures, then she'll be questionable at best in real life
-It helps significantly when Pete Sampras is excited about the date

According to confirmed reports this date was the best one yet. They met for a drink, had things to talk about, enjoyed each other's company and (hopefully you're already sitting down) made plans for another date. YES!

Effie is officially the first to graduate to "Direct Contact Status" so she is no longer my responsibility and they'll be going out again on Tuesday night. Huge! I couldn't be happier. Now to get several more in the rotation and party like its 1979 and we're still holding onto Disco.

-DMF

Meet me at the crossroads

2007-08-29T19:59:00.000-07:00

I can't believe we've only been at this for 3 weeks. That blows my mind a little bit because it feels like 3 months. The last week hasn't felt quite like the first two since I've drastically ramped down my activity level. I've been letting more time pass between contacts, which is good, but it also means that there won't be any dates this week.

Effie has basically fallen off the face of the planet. I emailed her earlier tonight asking if she was feeling better and if she wanted to do Monday's plan tomorrow night. If she responds, great, that's one date this week and you'll all hear about it on Friday morning, but I'm not holding out hope. A colleague of mine suggested that she was trying to get out of it, and copped to doing the same. Two facts, while circumstantial, refute this point. Firstly, in her cancellation email she said she wanted to reschedule for later in the week and second Don Juan said she sounded legitimately sick on the voicemail she left (which he has not deleted...).

However, she didn't return his call from Monday evening, so she's completely up in the air.

Caitlin's back on the scene and apologized for being flaky, which is good, so she'll probably meet up for a drink early next week since we're avoiding weekends for first dates. I've also begun the email flirtation thing with Junkyard (reproduced below). She seems like she'd actually be fun to hang out with, but all of the smiley faces make her seem a little annoying. She's also got a really stupid name, which I'll keep to myself to protect the innocent (trust me, it's really stupid, and you'd feel super awkward yelling it out during sex, or at least I would).

There's also Lizzie, who emphatically insists on being called by her full name (see what I did there?). She actually responded to my IOI with an email, so she gets points for that. She loses points for asking for fucking restaurant recommendations like everyone else has. Does she want a free meal or something? I obliged nevertheless, but come on, you've gotta be able to think of something better. I bet she likes to go out with her friends, but also enjoys chilling at home on her couch with a good book. That's actually not true (I just double checked her profile) she's got discernable interests (art, writing, doesn't like being outdoorsy) and an interesting major (sculpture). And she's pretty (even if she kinda looks like an exgirlfriend of mine, but that won't stop Casanova).

Another two have reciprocated IOIs, but I've been sitting on my emails to them (I really wish you could schedule emails for delivery, that'd make this whole thing so much easier) to appear cooler than I actually am.

At the beginning of this update I was thinking that we were at a crossroads and that I'd have to do some serious tactical reshuffling, but it seems like we've got enough lovely ladies on the line that this week's lack of dates will hopefully just turn out to be a fluke.

Optimistic...

-DMF

Junkyard wrote back

2007-08-29T19:50:00.000-07:00

Hey hey,

My summer's been treating me fantastically! And you?

The picture...hah:) I was walking out of a bar and there was a huge pile of beer bottles and other misc alcohol bottels so i told my friend to snap a photo. I guess that sort of personifies my sense of humor; idiotic and random :).

So are you a Vonnegut fan as well? I love love love Mother Night and Breakfast of Champions. Galapagos was pretty awesome too.

Lata :)

The cute ones

2007-08-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

Always cancel.

Effie claimed she was "sick and didn't even go to work today." She's in the process of being rescheduled for Thursday, which I am not handling, oddly.

In other news...I had the privledge of talking to Julia online today (speaking of cancellations) and found out that she's seeing someone semi-seriously. However she used "fucking" quite a bit to describe the situation and seemed pretty frustrated (or I could just be viewing the situation through my own lens and rooting for Johnny Depp). I told her I appreciated the honesty and that the ball was in her court. Perhaps something will go terribly wrong and she'll come crawling back. I doubt it, but anything is possible in the world of online dating.

Sent another round of IOIs tonight, got two back by the time I was done. One fatty boom boom (don't know how that one got in there), one 33 year old who drives a Jeep. I'm going to email the 33 year old. She's gotta know things that Casanova doesn't, it'd be a learning experience if they ever got down to business. I hope she ties him up, whips him and makes him call her "auntie." He did say "no cougars," but I'm going to press on full speed with this one before he can scuttle my plans. I won't be contacting the fatty even though I did initiate the IOI (in my defense her profile picture was just her face, and I didn't look at the others where she was clearly a tank).

And finally, I got around to emailing the girl from the dump a few updates ago. I actually asked her if she was at a junkyard, her response (should it come back) will be posted here in its entirety (don't get your hopes up, it could very well be lame).

Also, to end on an off-topic note, the new Junior Senior album is awesome.

-DMF

I just a fun, super normal girl who has some love to give :)

2007-08-27T19:07:00.001-07:00

This deserved its own post...

Hi.  How are you?  Are you fucking crazy?

-DMF

Information

2007-08-25T14:26:00.000-07:00

IOIs: 19
Emails sent: 38
Emails received: 32
All-time profile views: 216
Dates scheduled: 1
Dates completed: 3

I know, I know, I know...It's been awhile since I posted any kind of tangible update.

I've backed off the IOIs earlier this week, since I don't want to plan dates too far in advance, which has come back to bite me. I've been given Monday, Tuesday and Thursday for dates this week. So far only Monday has been locked down with Effie (the real tall one). I've got an email in to Caitlin for Tuesday or Thursday, so realisitically, I think one of those is going to go to waste unless I'm able to work some magic.

I sent 50 IOIs yesterday (all time total: 293). We got one back within an hour:

Matt Damon's comment: "why is she at the dump?" I don't know, but perhaps he'll find out.

It seems that our initial white-hotness may be fading. I can't tell if my ramping down of effort is contributing to the lack of girls on the line or if this is the typical downward slope of the online dating world as Casanova takes his place in the "oh, you again" set. I've also been contemplating going the email route with the really desireable ones since the IOI thing may not be for everyone.

If I can't keep him on at least 2 dates a week I think I'm going to do a drastic profile overhaul and even change our username so that we appear to be brand new. Might cause some others who have passed over us in the past to give a second look. It's not at that point yet, but I want to get my money's worth.

There are also a lot of girls that I'm deliberately passing on for one reason or another (too busy, not cute, uninteresting etc.) whereas before we were taking all comers.

It could also just be the end of the summer...

-DMF

Not much to report

2007-08-24T06:49:00.001-07:00

It's been a quiet few days since Casanova has been booked solid (and not with dates)...although, he's given me 3 days next week.

Oh, and this woman is 6 feet tall...

-DMF

A conversation

2007-08-22T12:30:00.000-07:00

DMF: monday's locked down
DMF: this is too fucking easy
Casanova: yeah, its really not hard to get desperate women to go out with a 6'2" athletic
guy
DMF: that's the attitude you gotta bring!

Worst case scenario

2007-08-22T09:43:00.000-07:00

If Ophelia was the best case scenario given the information we had at our disposal, then Marisa was the worst. Accoriding to confirmed reports, she more closely resembled the girl in the picture on the left, than the one on the right (see earlier post). However, Casanova did say that she was interesting and that she didn't bring her dog to the bar. I said, "I know, because I was gmail chatting with her all afternoon and she said that she had to take her dog home."

Anyway, he won't be seeing her again, but he's going to give Ophelia another chance. If he were playing baseball, a batting average of .333 is considered pretty good.

The next date is Monday, but there's lots of email and other nonsense to take care of between now and then...

-DMF

8 days a week

2007-08-21T14:28:00.000-07:00

So...it would appear that all of the hard work from the last couple weeks is panning out. It turns out there aren't enough days during the week to fit in all of the action that Johnny Depp is going to be seeing.

Tonight, faithful readers will recall, Casanova has his second date of the week with Marisa. He's not too thrilled about it due to the situation with the pictures, but tough. It'll be good practice at the very least. That girl cannot stop gmail chatting with me. She was at it all day. I'm a lot better over email, because I can think about what Casanova would say without the pressure of having to reply quickly.

In other news...both Caitlin and Effie have expressed interest in going out this week. Problem is, Don Juan won't give me any more date nights until Monday, so I'm going to have to creatively schedule them. I'm unconcerned. Effie's fucking 5'11" and pretty, much better than 5 feet even, and cute. She could be a bit of a handful because she went into very specific detail in her profile. An excerpt:

"I don't want to be just an accessory, like your LiveStrong bracelet. If you take the time to be thoughtful, and even extend yourself beyond your comfort zone once in a while, it will go a long way. I am very giving and affectionate and would like to find the person who knows how to handle a woman - to take the time to learn what makes her tick and to appreciate all she does for you."

Reading that again makes me a little nervous, but hopefully she won't be all insane when George Washington takes her out.

Lori's still hot on the trail. I'm letting her marinate a little bit before getting back to her about "how my weekend was." There are a couple new ones as well, who need to be emailed. The sheer volume has increased by at least 100% since this time last week. I haven't sent a new round of IOIs in days because I've got way too much going on at the moment. If I get any more on the docket, I'll need an intern.

Things are going really well, save for the fact that the first two dates haven't yielded the most positive of results. I wonder if in two weeks it'll all come crashing down because we'll be yesterday's news on the internet.

Date report tomorrow AM...

-DMF

Date 2: Postgame Report

2007-08-21T14:14:00.000-07:00

So last night was the date with Ophelia. They met for drinks at a bar and she was waiting for him by the door when he arrived (I'm a fan of fashionably late). It lasted about an hour and they mostly talked about themselves. It was reported that she's cuter in real life than her pictures online, so it shows there's some truth in advertising and that not everyone on online dating websites is a dirty liar. He had a Brooklyn, she had a margarita, they split the check.

No sparks though, and we're not sure if that's due to the fact that he's not all that into her, she's not all that great, or if it's a larger problem with the concept of online dating. Kinda takes the fun out of meeting someone and wondering if they're going to call you or the best time to call them. It's just too easy. I feel like I'm fishing with dynamite. There are thousands of girls and you just keep sending IOIs and if even 10% get back to you, that's still several week's worth of dates.

Granted it's only the second date and there are many more on the calendar at this point (update coming next), so we'll see how the rest go, but if this becomes a recurring trend we're going to have to start doing something differently.

-DMF

A busy week

2007-08-20T20:47:00.001-07:00

By this time, Casanova has probably concluded his date with Ophelia. A full report will follow in the morning, don't you worry about that. I can only hope it's better than the last date with Carrie...

Moving on...

This week is already shaping up to be a little crazy for Vince Vaughn. He's got Ophelia tonight and Marisa (Lord of the Rings dog owner) tomorrow. She's posted what look to be recent photos from her trip to Northern California, and the results are a little worrisome. She's got some pictures on there that make her look really attractive and nice. And she's got some others that give me pause.

Side by side

My guess is that the version on the left is going to show up, and while that doesn't bother me that much, Don Juan was a little upset.

A dramatic recreation of our conversation on the topic:

DMF: Dude, but she's got big cans!

Casanova: Unlike yourself, big cans don't allow me to overlook everything else.

DMF: ahahahhaha

Casanova: did i agree to go out with this girl?

DMF: yes, tomorrow night

Casanova: damn

DMF: big cans?

Casanova: you date her then

DMF: you already approved her!

DMF: she put up new pictures

Casanova: big cans, in case you hadn't noticed, is not a "i can ignore everything else" priority for me

...

DMF: it's already set

Casanova: ehh, i just won't pay for her drink

Suffice to say, he's less than thrilled with the situation, so maybe this will yield some kind of crazy story. On a Marisa-related note, I was chatting with her online and she asked me what I was doing tonight. The truth would have looked like this: "going on a date with another girl who's pictures are consistent," but I was forced to lie and ask myself this question: How do you tell one potential date that you're going out with another girl the night before you go out with her? I don't think there's a good way to do it besides side-stepping the question and pushing the conversation in a different direction. I found it funny since I've never been in that situation before (not that it's my situation really, I'm not going on any dates this week).

Another one of these online flirtations is coming to fruition. Caitlin has jumped back into the fold and would like to go out on Thursday or Friday night. Friday would be getting a little ahead of ourselves, so that's not going to happen. Three dates in one week is going to be quite a lot, depending on his take she may get pushed into next week, which will be very difficult to explain.

Also:

-I emailed a 33 year old woman, who reciprocated an errant IOI from last week. I didn't know quite how to phrase things, because I didn't want to come off sounding like someone who could be her son.

-We've decided to keep Lori on the line to see if she'll ask us out (as that is the only way Casanova will go out with her). Hasn't happened yet, but she sent an email asking about the weekend, which I'll return in a few days to continue this ad-hoc social experiment.

-Still waiting on Effie and Julia since the ball is in their respective courts. It's quite a shame as the two of them seem much more qualified than the others we've got on the docket this week. The nice thing about online dating is that everything can change in an instant.

Full date postgame report in the morning...

-DMF

Consultants make terrible dates part 2

2007-08-19T14:07:00.000-07:00

The results are in! Amanda The Consultant is interested in going on a date with Giorgio Sampras. The only problem is that she's going to require him to give up weekend time of some kind. I've been discussing going to a new art museum with her, and it looks like that's what she wants to do. I think the best way to pull this off is going to be to have Don Juan and her go there on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. I'm not really sure what good she's going to be anyway since she's only in town 3 days a week, if that. She also doesn't seem to care about having no life, which also doesn't bode well, but there's something to be said for "dating practice," which is what I envision her turning into. Not that she's unworthy, but from a logistical standpoint I'm not sure it's feasible. But who am I to judge?

Also...Marisa (the one with the Lord of the Rings dog) has proven herself both cute and interesting (if she looks like SOME of her pictures, anyway). I earned bonus points with her by boiling down her non-profit job: "I'm very impressed that you know that development is a euphenism for fundraising.....I'm not a big fan of fundraising, but its a good stepping stone. Anyway, I hope you're having an awesome weekend.....Doing anything fun?"

She also reproduced my typographical misspelling of "euphemism" in her email and provided a bunch of her own. I hope she's not as dumb as her spelling and grammar could possibly suggest. Maybe she's so hot on the online dating scene that she just cranks through 50 emails a day and doesn't have time to check her work.

Anyway, she's been invited out for a drink on Tuesday evening, so we'll see how that pans out.

-DMF

2 Ridiculous Names

2007-08-18T08:56:00.000-07:00

IOIs: 16
Emails sent: 30
Emails received: 23
All-time profile views: 155
Dates scheduled: 1
Dates completed: 1

No word from Julia, but I haven't let that derail The Love Train. The ball's in her court, so she'll either come around or she won't. There are thousands of fine ladies on the internet for us to go after in the mean time.

Speaking of...another date's been scheduled! Ophelia (I gave her that ridiculous name because I didn't think she was going to pan out due to the fact that she's 28, but now I'm stuck with it) will be joining our hero for a drink or hopefully serveral on Monday evening (full report Tuesday AM, of course). I had tried a different tack with her and asked if she wanted to go to an art museum, she didn't, and said as much and suggested a drink. We accepted.

According to her profile she's only 5'0" which could pose a problem, but she's very well educated in some kind of expressive dance party therapy and "really has a passion for getting to know people and their cultures." And she's cute to boot, so that should hopefully help Casanova get over any reservations he has about her being over a foot shorter than him.

Don Juan suggested that we try to get Lori to ask him out as opposed to the other way around. From the IM conversation I posted earlier, that's clearly working out really well. She's got a "nose thing" there really isn't any other way to describe it. He gave her a thumbs down when he saw her, actually, so she's turned into more of a social experiment that I IM, than a prospective date.

I'm kind of at a standstill with Effie, Amanda and Caitlin. I've asked all of them to have a drink with Jay-Z next week and haven't heard back from any of them. Granted, it's the weekend and perhaps their brains can't plan that far in advance, or they're playing it cool. I certainly won't be emailing any of our prospects this weekend since that would break the illusion that we've got better shit to do.

There's a new one, Marisa, who's sort of slipped through the cracks. She's another one of those who might be hot, but also might not be, depending on how recent the picture's she's posted are. Funny thing about her...she talks about her dog a lot in her profile and he's got a weird name. So once she returned my IOI I emailed her and asked all about the dog. Turns out, she lived with her boyfriend in college and the dog's name is from Lord of the Rings. She tried to downplay it like it was his idea, but I'm not convinced. The larger question here is: Why did she tell me all of this in her first email to me? Serious TMI, but you can't make a story like that up, so at least we know she's honest. Either way, she looks nice and has been responsive, so maybe we'll be able to get her on the calendar for this week.

I'm going to need to get a little more creative with my searching as I'm starting to see the same girls over and over. Casanova shot down my Cougar Hunt idea, but I sent IOIs to a the 30+ set anyway...one was even returned!

More on that later...

-DMF

The Most Boring IM in the World

2007-08-17T07:16:00.000-07:00

Needs no introduction...

Lori: Hi
DMF: hey hey
Lori: how are you?
DMF: I'm good
DMF: yourself?
Lori: doing well
Lori: today totally feels like a Friday though
DMF: agreed
DMF: but friday is tomorrow, which is good
Lori: very
DMF: better than a tuesday feeling like a friday
DMF: but that's obvious
Lori: lol... long week?
DMF: yeah
DMF: I've been preparing for my trip to PA
DMF: long week for you?
Lori: a little
Lori: it's been pretty uneventful
Lori: but the week after taking time off always seems longer!
DMF: I'm just gone for the weekend
Lori: yeah I took last Friday off for the va trip
Lori: what are you going to PA for?
DMF: going to a friend's farm to relax
Lori: nice
Lori: lol I think I needed this week to catch up on lost sleep
from my weekend
DMF: mmm...so key...
DMF: I'm not getting much sleep tonight
DMF: two of my friends are going on a roadtrip to texas
DMF: tonight's their big send off
Lori: Texas? interesting choice
DMF: one of them is going to architecture school at UT
DMF: the other is along for the ride
Lori: cool
Lori: that's a long drive
DMF: yep
DMF: I won't be going
Lori: lol
Lori: might come in the way of work
DMF: just slightly
Lori: unless you'r eone of those lucky people that can telenet
DMF: I am not
DMF: gotta be where the books are
DMF: my roommate works from home whenever he wants
Lori: there's a guy in the marketing dept at work that goes to
co. every year for a month on the clock
DMF: ridiculous
Lori: don't think I'd want my work in my home though
DMF: I bet it'd be nice for a day or two, or maybe a
week...but more than that and I'd get cabin fever
Lori: I meant the Bacteria
Lori: lol
DMF: OOOOOH
DMF: yes
DMF: them too
DMF: cabin fever with bacteria would be that much worse
Lori: hahaha
Lori: so I take it you're still at work?
DMF: nope, home
Lori: oh sweet
DMF: I get to peace out everyday pretty much right at 5
Lori: when do you go in?
DMF: 9ish
DMF: pretty flexible
Lori: that's cool
Lori: I usually work earlier
Lori: like 7, 730
DMF: oh man
DMF: way too early for me
Lori: but I get out at 3
DMF: you do have most of the day still left
DMF: but then you have to go to bed at 9
Lori: well it works out the best with rowing at 5 haha,
otherwise I'd want to come home and go back to bed
DMF: oh right, those sorts of things do happen early
early
Lori: haha... have to I guess... most nights it's 10 or 11 pm
bedtime
Lori: saturday and sunday I sleep til 1 to catch up haha
DMF: I stayed up too late last night watching a movie
Lori: what movie?
DMF: Pitch Black
Lori: I don't know if I've seen that
DMF: it's a silly Vin Diesel thriller type thing
DMF: def not for everyone
Lori: Yes I have see that!
DMF: what did you think?
Lori: it's entertaining
DMF: alright
DMF: I'm going to go make some dinner
DMF: nice catching up with you...
Lori: lol like it that much huh?
DMF: huh
DMF: ?
Lori: teasing.
DMF: gotcha
Lori: chronicles is better... have a nice dinner :-)
DMF: agreed
DMF: sorry...the lack of food is messing with my ability
to reason
DMF: just hit me like a ton of bricks
Lori: been there... go eat!
DMF: on it
DMF: talk to you later!
DMF: bye
Lori: bye

-DMF

A cancellation and continued white-hotness

2007-08-16T16:41:00.000-07:00

So Julia will not be joining Jimmy Fallon for drinks tonight. Her excuse, you ask?

Here it is from the horse's (she's actually quite cute, that's not being entirely fair) mouth:

Julia: so today got more complicated than it was a few days ago because I had to drop my favorite shoes off to get new heels and now i have to pick up those and my prescription before 6:30 today and then go look at furniture
Julia: so tonight would be difficult for me to get back to Somerville for a drink
Julia: and this weekend my friend from GW is coming
Julia: so this is just really poor timing on my part
DMF: ok
DMF: totally understand
DMF: I'm out of town this weekend as well
DMF: would you like to move to Monday?
Julia: I can't I'm flying to Atlanta Monday and I'll be there for a few days on business
DMF: ahhahah
Julia: I'm sorry...my life is a little hectic right now
DMF: this is ridiculous
Julia: I know
DMF: ok
DMF: why don't you call when you know you've got time for a pint and we'll set it up
Julia: ok, and I totallyunderstand if you want to give up on me...I am living a crazy life right now
DMF: no def. not
DMF: you seem really cool
DMF: I'm ok with this as long as you promise to reschedule, that's all I ask
Julia: ok will do
DMF: sweet...have fun with all your hecticness...if something cool happens in the meantime feel free to fire off an IM
DMF: and I'll do the same
Julia: allrighty sounds good to me

So hopefully we will be hearing from her sometime next week, she's basically a party girl with an education, which is just what our man needs.

So, with that disappointment behind us, I sent emails to Effie, Amanda, and Ophelia formally asking them out. I'm trying to fill out the calendar for next week and had been playing it slow with the rest of them so that I wasn't making plans weeks in advance. Hopefully there will be something to report on these three tomorrow.

Caitlin's been pretty hot on our trail, I say this because she always responds to my emails really really quickly. She's going to get a formal "ask out" tomorrow as well. We're not 100% sure what we're going to get with her, that's the only thing, her pictures are misleading at best, but she seems cool on the inside, and that's really what counts (some of the time, for some people).

I also sent another round of IOIs and came across this:

Apparently she's all about kick boxing and Brazilian jujitsu, definitely wouldn't want to fuck with her. She's dressed like that in all of the pictures she has online. I'm sure she's having lots of luck with online dating and attracting only the cream of the crop. If she sends an email, Don Juan is definitely going out with her, just for the novelty of it.

Hopefully Julia gets her shit together, she seems like a real winner...

-DMF

3" is best

2007-08-15T13:37:00.000-07:00

IOIs: 13
Emails sent: 15
Emails received: 19
All-time profile views: 150
Dates scheduled: 1
Dates completed: 1

Tomorrow's the big date with Julia, Brad Pitt is pretty excited about this one since she said in an email, "seems like you and your friends might be trouble, me and my friends are trouble." I hope this one turns into something ridiculous, and it's a Thursday afterall, so it might. Also, she's pretty cute.

Minutes ago, I officially gave Carrie the "yeah, I'm not so into you" email. Don Juan suggested that she was probably feeling the same way, I'll update if we hear from her again.

Effie, who came up a few posts ago has been pretty hot on our trail. She's 5'11", has a dog, and loves snow. Also, she's quite hot. I think I should be able to pin her down for next week sometime without too much trouble. She's probably my favorite out of all of them, despite the fact that she has the typical generic online dating profile.

Ophelia violates the new 5'3" and up rule since her profile states she's 5'0". I don't put too much stock in the actual facts that people put up on there. On the one hand she could be shorter and trying to pad her height. On the other, she could be a little taller, but wants to appear girly and compact so she chopped a few inches off. Either way, it took a lot of convincing for Casanova to allow me to drop her an email, which I intend to do this afternoon. Although, her obsession with african dance and drumming may prove to be obnoxious if it's all she's about.

I'm also pretty psyched about Caitlin, but it's unclear what she looks like. She's one of those with deceiving pictures, but we've emailed back and forth a couple times, so I'll try to pin her down for a date sometime next week. She likes swimming and we bonded over biking.

Don Juan also made a comment after reading the scouting report for Monday's date. He said that I make him out to be a lot more chipper than he is in real life or would be in email. I said I'd try to tone it down but that I was just trying to be excited and also flirty. Seems to be working so far...

-DMF

8" is better than 14"

2007-08-14T16:50:00.000-07:00

I was informed by The Man of the Hour that he will not date anyone who is 4'11" (he's 6' 2"). We got an email in response to an IOI from Maria, but upon closer inspection realized she was much too short. I tried lobbying for her ("you can dunk her!" "when you're laying down you're the same height" etc.) to no avail. She will not be hearing from us.

In other hilarious news, you can click a "Not Interested" button when you get an IOI from someone who does not meet your standards. When you do that, it automatically sends an email to the originator of the IOI and lets them know you're not interested. We got our first 2 today from, I kid you not, a girl with a monkey on her head and a 32 year old who quoted Dave Matthews (so I don't think we're missing much). But that's not the best part...

At the bottom of the email you receive it gives you pictures of three more prospects that "might match you better." I should send IOIs to all those girls just because the website told me to.

I'm taking today off so I don't reply to everyone right away, when I do I'll recap all of the action here, fear not. There's a lot to discuss as well since today was our best day yet, we've got 5 brand new prospects (minus Maria).

-DMF

Date 1: Postgame Report

2007-08-14T10:29:00.000-07:00

So the first date yielded by this project took place last night at a local bar. I wasn't there, but I will relate the story as it was related to me...

She was late, but so was he. It lasted approximately 90 minutes and they made a lot of small talk (books, work, sports, etc.). Casanova had two complaints:

1. She didn't know who Salman Rushdie is, not even a little bit.
2. Even though she claims to be a fan of Chuck Palahniuk, she didn't know that he wrote Fight Club.

Beyond that, he encountered something that I'd been concerned about: There is very little truth in advertising. She was "a little chunkier and more plain looking than she looked online." I'll hazard a guess that this isn't the first time we'll experience this phenomenon.

On the whole the date didn't go poorly, but it didn't go that great either. They won't be seeing each other again.

Thursday night...that one's going to be a completely different story...

-DMF

Yes! NO! YES! NO!!

2007-08-13T16:51:00.000-07:00

IOIs: 8
Emails sent: 13
Emails received: 11
All-time profile views: 105
Dates scheduled: 2

So much to report...

Don Juan and I had an argument about who to keep on and who to let go (I'm all about keeping them all, because why not? He's not so keen on that).

Going to break this down by prospect...

Carrie
He's heading out the door right now to meet her. I just had to send him back to his closet to find a shirt that's not wrinkled. Expect a full report tomorrow AM.

Julia
Talked with her online this afternoon and pinned her down for pints on Thursday night! Casanova saw the pictures and was pretty excited, actually, so I'm happy about that. She seems like a real party animal, and had a quote from Fight Club as her away message. She also thinks that soccer hooliganry is funny, points for her.

Amanda
After some arguing, he agreed to take her out. I'm going to try to get a weeknight out of her, but it's going to be difficult, because, as you remember she's out of town 4 days a week. That said he was pretty keen on her, so this could have some potential.

Emily
She's getting the ax and won't be hearing from us again. And neither will the prospect who is pictured in Friday's update.

Kristen
I emailed her back and asked a ton of questions mostly about Tom Petty. Turns out she works right near Our Hero, so perhaps they could do a lunch thing, highly convenient, and he also gave her a thumbs up during the argument.

Jill
Sent her a short note since she removed her profile for some strange reason.

Effie
Same as above, but she's way hotter, so I put in a little more effort.

Caitlin
Brand new one on the scene, reciprocated our IOI over the weekend. She has more pictures of random shit in her profile than she does of herself.

An example:

Not really sure what to make of that, but Antonio Banderas thinks she's a catch, so we're pushing forward. She claims to have a "very good" taste in music, but provided zero examples (save for Bright Eyes, who's just ok). I dropped her a quick email to challenge hr on this claim. She seems to be looking for an adversary.

So, on the whole, I'd say were still on fire.

-DMF

Consultants Make Terrible Dates

2007-08-12T21:29:00.000-07:00

I made an important discovery...

On the main dating site we're using for this deep cover operation, you can't hide the last time you logged in. I've strategically been avoiding it for the weekend since it seems that having shit to do on the weekends is perceived as a positive quality in the online dating world (and being online on a Saturday means that you don't have more important shit to be doing). Most new activity (IOIs, messages, emails etc.) are sent to your email address anyway, so it works out.

A short update before the big day tomorrow (lots of emails and IMs to return)

Carrie
She unexpectedly called The Man of the Hour earlier this evening to confirm the date. Ballsy. So that's definitely happening and the full rundown will be online Tuesday AM.

Amanda
Wrote an essay and essentially didn't say a whole lot (to paraphrase: "oh, you like modern art...have you been to the ICA?" blah blah blah). She hasn't been to the museum because she works in consulting and is out of town 4 DAYS A WEEK. Not saying that she's girlfriend material, but dating her is going to involve giving up a weekend night and our hero is not going to do that. I'm on the fence about her, at best, right now.

Also received another reciprocated IOI...apparently she likes swimming...more on that tomorrow...

-DMF

The Weekend

2007-08-11T10:44:00.000-07:00

IOIs: 7 (we've gotten a few more than this, but I've removed the clunkers)
Emails sent: 13
Emails received: 9
All-time profile views: 89
Dates scheduled: 1

So, it would appear that not everyone adheres to the "leave it alone for the weekend plan" and that not every girl is out of town.

The prospect, we'll call her "Kimberly," who appears in the bottom of the previous update took it upon herself to not only return our IOI from a few days ago, but she's also sent an email about the best restaurant in the neighborhood or something. blah blah blah...I've gotta look at the pictures for more than 2 seconds before I send IOIs to avoid situations like this...

I made a potential mistake by letting our Prince Charming take a look at his profile and the girls we've got on the line since he'd only seen the one he's going out with on Monday. He gave Kimberly a thumbs down since he "just wasn't that attracted to her." Of course there's some vetting that needs to be done (he should have seen the ones I deleted...) however I think she's got a cute face. Perhaps I'll email her back to keep her on the back burner in case we get a hole in the dating calendar.

There's been no movement on any of the girls in the previous post, however, we've got a few more to talk about:

Emily
A very pale girl with a self-described "average" build (that's up for debate) and a love of Cape Cod. She also appears to really like bright patterned polyester clothing from the pictures she has on her profile (sounds worse than it is). Unfortunately, she doesn't really seem to have any discernable interests...

An excerpt:

"red wine... (sometimes white)... stupid humor... cooking dinner... meaningful conversation... risk-taking... living each day without regret... listening to great music... swimming in the rain... roasting marshmallow... hiking down a river... "one of those nights" at Foxwood’s... just hanging out... lobsters in Maine... strolling the Charles at twilight... Listening to Frank Sinatra... KS... no BS... xoxo!"

Pretty vague.

Casanova saw her and said no...I'm inclined to agree, but she might be worth a couple emails. Maybe something will rise to the surface...

Kristen
A southerner, responded to our IOI with an email. "Anyway, if you feel like writing me back sometime, go for it. I think we might have a lot in common. Ask me anything." Nicely done, Kristen and, yes, I think I will write you back. Going to have to fast track this one, since she's only in town temporarily. She'll be hearing from us on Monday. Her pictures present an interesting phenomenon that I'm starting to see more and more. She looks like different people in all of them.

SIDE BY SIDE:

Strange, huh?

Jill
Still in college, which may not be the worst thing, but also isn't ideal (unless you're Tucker Max, and then it really is ideal). Reciprocated our IOI within 24 hours, so she'll hear from us via email on Monday. She had this winner in her profile: "50% Italian, 50% Danish... and as I like to say, I may be Danish, but you can't eat me for breakfast. Corny, I know." If it's corny...maybe you shouldn't have written it in the first place.

My goal is to pin down another date for next week, which I think is achieveable. Monday's going to be an interesting day...

Perhaps another update tomorrow or even later today if more IOIs and emails come in...

-DMF

Progress!

2007-08-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

IOIs: 5
Emails sent: 3
Emails received: 2
All-time profile views: 71

For some reason it seems like every girl I've been chatting with is going to be "away" this weekend. I wonder if this is some kind of ploy or tactic. It's as if they're saying "oh, I'm so cool and popular, I'm not even going to be around this weekend for you to ask out, so we'll put it off until next week when my busy schedule has time for you." I'm sure they're not all lying, but some of them must be.

Also, before we get to the nitty gritty...I've been thinking about whether it's a good idea to send out IOIs and emails on the weekend. I'm thinking of erring on the side of NOT doing that, since that might be the equivalent of sending a loser alert.

Anyway...here's what's happened since we last spoke...I'll break this down by woman:

Carrie
Haven't gotten confirmation from her for Monday night, but I'm not too worried about it.

Julia
Sent her an email with the AIM screenname I'll be using for this project so she isn't surprised when I do hit her up. Tried tossing the ball into her court since she claims she likes good beer (she's one of the "I'm away" ones) and told her to IM once she's back to go out for a pint.

Lori
Continued the email chain with her, made a joke about the Mystic River not being deep enough to row in, we'll see how that one goes over. She had also alluded to wanting to be IMed, so she now has the SN, didn't put the ball in her court. Will attempt contact with her on Monday. A little nervous about this one, actually, since we can't see her profile for some strange reason and the only picture she has is just of her face. Either way, I'm going to try to get her on the calendar.

Amanda
Responded to her and asked her about her trip to Florida since she was trying to flex like she was cool by emailing us from her blackberry or something. To paraphrase "I'm in a cab coming back from Florida, I'm really cool and all, just thought I'd check in with you...Ciao." We'll see where this one goes...

Effie
She's new, she sent an IOI. She's like 5'11" and not that great a writer, seems like she might be high maintenance, however, she's pretty good looking. Will email her on Monday.

There's another outstanding IOI that I'm on the fence about returning. Hammer Theory states that I probably should...

Here she is...body type: a few extra pounds

More updates as news comes in...

-DMF

The First Post

2007-08-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

Hello...

I've started a new project...

A few days ago, I put my roommate (with his full consent of course) on a few online dating sites because he's been alone for far too long it's high time someone did something about it. Here's the catch...I've paid all of the necessary fees since he refuses and I will also be doing all of the heavy lifting. What does this mean? I'll be picking the women, contacting them pretending to be him and then scheduling the dates. What happens after that is up to him

All of our experiences will be documented here, emails, dates, hilarity, all of it.

Allow me to bring you up to speed...

We (I've been using "we" even though it's really him, or the girls think it's him) signed up for the dating site 3 days ago. I've adopted the "hammer" approach which, like sending your resume out to as many potential employers as possible, entails contacting as many potential lady-loves as possible. Every dating site has it's own way of passively showing interest, "winks," "drinks," "pokes" whatever it is. It'd be much too time consuming and far too invasive to send regular emails right off the bat, so I've elected to show interest by just looking at pictures. If she's good looking, I let her know. It's all about playing the percentages at this point. The more girls you contact, the more that will reply.

After all that, our profile had been viewed about 30 times and we had an email from "Carrie" (names changed to protect the innocent) who enjoys ultimate frisbee, once played soccer and wanted to know what we were up to this summer.

After a few emails over the ensuing couple days we've lined up our first date for drinks on Monday night. The full report will be posted on Tuesday morning.

Another highlight:

The first paragraph of her profile: "update: I've had loadsa mails. Guys.. please don't send me one liners and don't just wink at me. I've paid, so if I like you & I think there is something there I'll mail u back so we can talk more. If you're too cheap or lazy to mail me, then you're not the guy for me!... "

Also: "What else about me? hehe...I'm outgoing, ALIVE, adventurous, spontaneous, passionate, and VERY feminine. I'm a girly girl all the way. I change my hair style and hair colour often. My best features would be my eyes, my smile and hmmm...my chest hehe ;-P How I dress really depends on my mood and the occasion...in general I have my own style - a mix of rock and hiphop with some 'classic'/vintage pieces thrown in."

Is she fucking crazy? Yes. So I sent her an email I'd sent to someone else...not holding my breath on this one...

Another girl, "Julia," requested that we talk to her on AIM while she's at work. I hadn't thought about that possibility, but I created a new screenname to handle it. I'll be IMing her on Monday...

There's a third one pretty close to going on a date with us. "Lori" is a recent college grad who enjoys rowing and eating out. She wrote a bloody novel all about a meal she had with her mother at a nice restaurant. We didn't ask for that much detail, but we got it anyway. Trying to line her up for Thursday of next week.

"Amanda" responded to our IOI (indicator of interest) with a very suggestive email with this subject line "you're just asking for it :)" Not too much substance there, I think she asked some cute questions about things in our profile. Standard stuff, she'll get a response later today.

So, suffice to say, we're on fire!

-DMF